This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final season. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious glorification of affluence and consumption? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Performances so poor they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, abuse claims and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its stars 
 but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe 
 in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London rogues which felt a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the star 
 but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Andrew Floyd
Andrew Floyd

Elara is a seasoned gambling analyst with over a decade of experience in reviewing online casinos and promoting responsible gaming practices.